the monday personals | struggle + goals + determination

STRUGGLE:
On Wednesday of last week I just had a plain 'ol grumpy no good day.  Blame it on the squelching heat, lack of sleep, female moodiness, long drive to work, junk food binge the day before, and office workplace rules I just didn't want to abide by, I was Mrs. Crabby Pants.  Some of you may know where I currently work full time, but it was just one of those days I wanted to scream "I quit" and walk out.  And it wasn't even customers and system support issues getting on my nerves! {I work in the IT department with EDI coordination, internal and external customers, translation software, databases, web systems, scripts, coding, a plethora of fellow IT computer geeks (many of who I love), etc, etc, etc}, but it was archived away in my life of Emily 2011 as a day I wished to be over that seemed to be never ending. 

I know that even in my crabbiest mood that day I was blessed.  I reflected on the way home and pondered about a blog post I had recently wrote and tried to push the days events aside and focus on making the rest of it good.  I was going home to see my beautiful baby girl after all.  One of my fav moments is walking in the house after being gone in the office all day and seeing her face light up and run to me and into my arms.  She will usually insist I don't let her down...so much so I usually end up having to use the bathroom with her still in my arms or hold it even longer after my already hour and a half drive home. 

I really can't complain about my job or the company I work for.  Most days I really love my job and the company is a great one to work for overall.  It just seems like they have been getting so "corporate" over the last few years but I guess it makes sense being they are a $4 billion company.  I think it's just not always my personality type that causes me to wish to do something else some days.  I am a flexible easy going person so most of the time I say "eh, whatever." I am normally a rule follower and understand the need for rules and the business aspect and environment.  But on the other hand I find myself more and more each week just wanting to do Emily: spend more time doing what I truly, truly love how I want.  Maybe I've become too spoiled in loving the excitement the photography has been giving me or maybe I'm just reprioritizing what means most and how I want to live my life.  When I really think about it, the first thing I think of when waking up in the morning (and even while sleeping because I dream A LOT) is Lexi and pictures.

GOALS:
I've never really been a big one on goals. I usually just live my life as it comes and see where my journey takes me. I think I partially never set or strive for goals because I know I probably won't reach them being life gets in the way or I change my game plan along the path. I adapt each day and just do me. But recently I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do for the rest of my life and what makes me happy. To be honest my husband and I have struggled a ton with this ever since Lexi came into our lives. Funny how kids change everything. Both of us would love to quit working and just stay home with her...forever...until she's 63 years old. If only. But we get up each day, do the responsible thing and go make a living so we can provide and give her a great home and the things she needs. But is it enough? Or does our heart ache too much when we're away. We've both been analyzing what we could do in our lives to work towards a new family goal. We've talked about how I would love to go full time with the photography. It would rock my world! To spend part of my day with the little munchkin who makes my heart go pitterpatter and share it with time spent on photography is my new goal. The idea of waking up each morning and those are the two things I have to focus on for the day makes my heart want to skip a beat and hop in joy. I'd much rather look at all of your beautiful faces every day then remind myself that project updates are due by noon, that same pain-in-the-butt account is causes chaos yet again, program changes and server implementation deadlines are next week, security is hosed up again, users can't connect, testing needs done, or trading partners want to do things their way and only their way and I just think their way is the most ridiculous way in the entire world. haha

Thus: new mission in the life of Emily 2011 and beyond: to work towards booking a couple weddings and at least 6-8 portrait type sessions a month than I would make my new dream and goals a reality. This would completely and utterly make me heart happy. Who's with me in this challenge?! ;)

DETERMINATION:
"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work." - Colin Powell

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. Stay focused, stay determined, push forward and continue to strive for excellence learning all I can about photography, always looking for ways to improve, and hoping you, my fans, love it and want to see more, and if so my new goal just may be obtainable.

A little fun in the sun from a few weeks ago when I was feeling inspired by the "golden hour" glow.

Helping Momma scope out some locations for a recent senior session from this last weekend. Check facebook preview HERE for Megan who totally rocked it!

 New shoes & new bike all in the same day!

Hugs,
Em